Enjoy the view.

So it's been awhile since I took some time to write about what was on my mind and so here I am .. in bed.. sick.. but feeling the urge to write.

Does anyone else feel that they're a little left out of all the joy and excitement of getting engaged? When I was growing up I always thought I'd be the first one out of my friends to get married .. and now even though I have different friends, I'm sitting here thinking really bro? Yes, I say bro.. So anyway.. I guess I just feel left out. If I think about it, I don't think that I necessarily want to get married right now or anything but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm a little left out. I mean for the love of God, the one person who said he'd never get married, just got engaged.. Am I missing something? Is everyone around me getting engaged? I swear sometimes that I'm living in a giant romcom.

I mean shouldn't I be happy for these people? I guess I am happy for these people. It's just that sometimes I feel that the world is passing me by. I'm so used to always driving in the fast lane, in the driver's seat, and now I'm just going through the motions, "smelling the flowers", if you will, on the passenger's side. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.. I can definitely say that I'm not in my comfort zone.

When I look back at the way I used to think about life, there was always a plan.. go to college, get a job, get your own place, get married, etc. Now after almost a year of living at home with my parents, I feel that I'm just in limbo. Goals set for myself keep getting pushed back and so I feel off balance. Yes, of course, all this is temporary, the only constant is change- blah blah blah, But I can vent right? I can feel upset, sad, happy, angry, frustrated, worn out all at the same time. I'm a thinker and a dreamer, it's what I do.

I guess all I wanted to say is maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be, out of my comfort zone. Maybe I just need to be patient and kind to myself that all my life goals will fall into place when they're supposed to, maybe this is all a good thing. In the meantime, I have to learn to enjoy the view.

Soul Music

"There's no point in dreams unless you chase them"
-Austin Renfroe

Isn't it amazing ho a song can totally change your mood; just lifting you up from a dark place, a frustrated place, a place where nothing makes sense, and then a lyric comes along and brings you clarity.  I had that moment this morning at about 6 am. There is so much truth in the above lyric that when I heard it, I just smiled to myself because it really helped all the crazy thought I had in my mind organize themselves and let me know what it is that I need to do..


Dreams.. we all have them, but I think that so many of us fall short of our dreams because we're too afraid to watch ourselves fall flat on our faces and then have to get up and start over.  What I have realized though is that falling flat on your face can sometimes be the best thing to start that surge and really get you going to go after what you truly want.  What do you think keeps your from going after your dreams? 

A friend told me recently that we spend so much time pushing things off to the last minute that so many people never actually get anywhere in their lives because of it.. We all know the phrase "time is money", but isn't time lost also life lost? I hate to sound cliche but if we made sure there was a purpose to each day, maybe we would all feel a little more complete and a little more "happy of ourselves".  This isn't really a hard task to do if you think about it- if you want that raise this year, just kick ass a little bit each day.. If you're looking to take the next step in your relationship, what are you waiting for.. we're not getting any younger.. take a step- even if it's a small one.

Our pasts shape who us into who we are in the present and can further influence who we become in the future. If you want to be a happy person in your relationship nobody's going to be able to do that but yourself. Falling hurts, yes, but if we just make sure we're not diving in too soon I think we'll find that our dreams are just within our reach.

Rock and a hardplace

When you're trying to make a huge decision in your life, who do you talk to about it? Do you feel more confused sometimes when you walk away from the conversation?  I guess that's how I feel right now.  I'm in a place where I thought I could make a decision in my life, and now I'm just as confused as I was months ago.

Am I kidding myself to think that this decision will be a good move for my future? Or am I pretending that what was said was just fear and words and not necessarily the truth..

Will I be sacrificing too much in hopes that this will have a happy ending? What exactly would be worth the sacrifice and how do I ask without putting anyone in a bad position?

There are so many questions that I want to ask and need to know the answers to, but I just don't know if they are worth asking..

Choices

You have the right to choose your choice.. and you've made it very abundantly clear what that is, and I understand you can't force anyone to have a relationship with you, and so that line you have written in the sand... consider it permanent.

I choose to move on with my life. I choose to be happy in this family. I choose to no longer allow you to dictate the rules. I rule my own life.

Feeling sexy

What makes you feel sexy? Is it looking good in a little black dress or how about the way you feel when you stand naked in the mirror after a shower?

Do you feel sexy when you're man (or woman) put their hands around you and kisses your shoulder?  Or how about a song.. does music make you feel sexy?

Have you ever felt sexy after someone that's not your significant other compliments you? .. Isn't it weird how that could make you feel sexy? something as simple as saying, "Hey, nice dress" or "You look really good today"..

Find what makes you feel sexy.. and then flaunt it.

You Are What You Eat

Source: None via Betsy on Pinterest

True Love & True Friendship

"Love and friendship. They are what makes us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them." -Something Blue