True Love & True Friendship

"Love and friendship. They are what makes us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them." -Something Blue

Pride is the fastest way to lose the race

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love  rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.” Why do you think we hold onto our pride until the very last second? Do we do in order to feel like we have asserted ourselves to the utmost degree and that no one can tell us what to do? Do we do it because we are afraid of what we might find if we humble ourselves and take a long look in the mirror?  It's good to have some pride in yourself but too much pride can cause you to lose the things you care most of in your life just to prove a point. Maybe someone has wronged you, maybe you're frustrated with the way things have been going lately. Maybe, you're just plain stubborn. Maybe, just are just trying to make a point. Whatever your reasoning is for being too proud to admit you may have been in the wrong.. let it go. You might be asking right now, well why would I just let it go? It'll show that I'm weak. I'm not saying to be a pushover, I'm saying to save yourself the hurt.  Think about it. You get into a fight with a husband, wife, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend. You both said or done things that may have been hurtful, so you storm off vowing not to talk to this person until they come and make peace with you first. At the end of the day, how are you feeling? Is your pride keeping you warm at night? No, didn't think so. Sometimes we think it's better to hold onto mistakes and hurts, because 'at least I'll still have my pride', but to what cost? Losing a friend? Losing a love? Just in the name of a point? It just doesn't make any sense.  Realize the freedom you'll have when you're not holding onto negativity.  Accept it into your life as something to inspire you to do better, be better, live and love.  Love, is louder.

A Teammate

In this life I think we're all searching for a teammate.  Someone who's going to play with us, not against. Someone who's willing to do what it takes to win, even if it means long, tiring practices.  They know the meaning of sacrifice, because sacrifice wins championships.  A teammate thinks about the team over the individual, trusting in the the players and knowing their actions are solely for the betterment of the team, too.  A teammate doesn't try to fight against his team but fights for them.  He'd do anything for them, and that alone makes him happy.

A teammate doesn't try to one up another player because he knows it just makes everyone look bad. He knows how to shine without putting anyone else in the dark and he knows the value of faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your team, and faith in your teammates, to know that your teammates are in it for the long haul.

The Story of Us

I liked it better when you were on my side..

I wonder about that sometimes. Are two people ever on the same page or is it some illusion that men and women can ever be on the same page? Do we ever move on from conversations or do we just harbor them in our hearts until we just find ourselves living on a page in a complete different book than than the one you're actually reading? I'm feeling like I'm experiencing deja vu all over again and if this were a movie, I'd be crying to myself and saying, "I told you so". But this isn't fake life, it's reality and reality is a lot harder and isn't necessarily going to end with the love of your life calling you back and saying I should've have left.. let's figure this out. So I guess that's where I am right now, in between reality and fake life... or as the phrase goes, a rock and a hard place.

If I wrote a love story, it would end like all the other love stories. That the one realizes what a mistake they made and came running back to make it all better. Maybe it'd resemble "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" or maybe even "The Notebook". In a true love story, there's always a happy ending after the grand climax where you are left wondering if the two of them will make it through, that they have to make it through because even though they're not seeing things eye to eye right now, they realize that they're crazy for each other, that everything would obviously work out and that regardless of all this, they're perfect for each other, I mean how could it not work out, right? Right?

In a perfect love story, he realizes fifteen minutes after he drives away that this was all a big misunderstanding and he turns around and drives back to her.. Right? He bangs on the door and insists she see him so they can make this all okay.

In a perfect love story, the one that I would write about grand love, she would know exactly the right words that would subdue the frustration they were both feeling. She would turn and put her hand on his and they would know this would work out. She wouldn't push things without thinking. She's know what to say after a fight so that she wouldn't be alone in her room wishing they were just falling asleep next to each other instead.
 

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

Distance

"You live too far away.
Your voice rings like a bell anyway.
Don't give up your independence, unless it feels so right.
Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you've got to fight."
"Amber" by 311

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but does it? Or does it just make the mind more fearful? Does it make us anxious that maybe the one we love, will find someone else to love in our absence; that maybe this distance thing is just too hard to do?  Well, the way I see it is that love and distance is a challenge that forces us to face our fears; that also challenges us to see how strong our faith is.

Faith is a very powerful thing:
"[It] faith, is a way of saying, 'Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding.' There's a reason why we refer to 'leaps of faith' - because the decision to consent to any divinity is a might jump from the rational over to the unknowable.  If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition-  faith.  Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark.  If we truly knew all the answers in advance as tothe meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would be .... a prudent insurance policy"  - Eat, Pray, Love.

 I guess that's truly the way I see love and distance. You kinda just have to have faith in yourself, faith in the person you love, and faith that whatever troubles you are facing, will work themselves through.  Because without a little bit a faith, life would just be black and white. Sometimes, it's nice to be sure of what is going to happen next, but if you think about it, isn't life just a gamble? We can expect certain things to happen at certain times, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. We have to be flexible in trusting that whatever is frustrating you, stressing you out, or whatever, is only temporary. That maybe you live far away from each other right now, but soon, it may not be the case anymore.

I guess in turn also, you have to make sure whether or not the distance is really the thing that is bothering you or is it something else that you are afraid of. Are you afraid that once the two of you are together all the time that other intolerable problems will arise? I assume problems will arise BUT are they minor ones? Or are you afraid of something else?

It's probably hard to answer those questions now, but maybe with time you will be able to. Maybe it's just a matter of sorting through things in your mind in order to figure out what is good for you. Maybe our fears are just trying to get the best of us and instead hindering us from what truly is what we need.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

A love for a lifetime

Since I have graduated college in December, almost all of my friends sans one has gotten engaged, married, or had their first kid.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this; that all of my friends, in less than a year, are starting on another path of their life.  One side of me smiles and gushes about how happy I am for them, and then the other side wants to yell "Why are you all getting married in the same year!", and yet another side of me just falls back in a state of nostalgia thinking, "When's my turn?"

I know what you are all thinking, Steph, you're just letting all this marriage and wedding stuff get to your head. And maybe part of you is right, but can you blame a girl for having it on her mind? I'm 23 with two degrees and a full-time dream job (that doesn't pay that well, but that's another battle), dating an amazingly wonderful man for the past two years, and I'm thinking, well okay, where is my next adventure.  I've always known that I wanted to have a family young, and that's just me.  Some people argue that I'm not exercising my full potential, that I'm still so young, or even the big skeptics that say "I'm setting the women's movement back 20 yrs". I don't see it that way though. For me, starting a family is the greatest job of them all, I mean I look at mine, as imperfect as the rest of us but perfect in its own unique way and knowing that my mother had everything to do with it.  Now don't get me wrong, my father is an amazing man who has provided for our family in ways that I can never repay, but look at the heart of a mother; unyielding, steadfast, and full of courage, empathy, and love. And looking at my mother, while others may say "I never want to be my mother", I yearn for it. I aspire to accept all the challenges that it means to raise a family and turn a house into a home because I recognize how important that job is. As I sit here writing this all for you guys, I know that I am who I am because of my mother's love. She showed me nothing but support, even when I had hit rock bottom, but never enabling negative behaviors.  Her wise words has made me wiser than more than half the people my age and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would love to do the same for someone else.

No, I don't want to have a kid in the next 9 months but I do aspire to do so in my future. But onto other thoughts of love.

Going back to my initial thoughts on marriage and that other nonsense, it got me thinking, why do people get married? Is it because of love, because 'that's what's next?', or is it something else? I've never been married but I know that the person I am with is someone I can 100% see a future with and when I think of the future I think it's so important to love them more than you could ever describe on paper. I think it's also important to be able to talk to that person about anything, even if they get annoyed by it.  In my experience most problems have occurred because I or the other person was not open about something from the very start. When you begin to develop a relationship without open communication, you're relationship will ultimately destroy itself.  For me, it's very important to get each other and to have total respect for each other.  It should never have to be a game of what the other person is thinking, although these things happen from time to time, but I think you know what I mean.  I don't want to spend my life with someone who I am constantly trying to impress and put on a facade with.  My man needs to just gets me. It needs to come easy. Respecting each other is so important for the other things to fall in place.  Respect comes from respecting yourself. I think it explains itself.

Now please don't get me wrong and think my head is all up in the clouds of romance because I do realize we all will disagree at some point and that there will be major ups and downs to any relationship, but I think it is the way that those people work through their issues that is most important at the end of the day.  What I'd like to emphasize is whether or not I'm on a good team with my significant other.  Are we friends or frenemies? Because I'll tell you right now, when things take a turn for the bad, which is likely to happen in any relationship, I want my best friend right by me, and I pray to God that it's my man. Looking at my parents it's mad me realize how important it is to be good teammates.  My parents, as opposite from each other as they are, they make a great team.  The play every game like its a championship and when one is down and out, the other makes up for it.  That's what shines for me.  Those are the things that make an amazing future.

Sure I'm probably missing a bunch of details and many of you who are marriage have words of wisdom which are totally welcome, post a comment, but when I start a future with someone, I want it to have a foundation on the above.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
- Unknown

What's your story?

Ever have a friend who you shared an experience with but they seem to remember the story completely different from how you remember it? You wonder whether or not that person was even there because their recollection of it is so much different than yours.

Why? Because of stories. Our lives are made out of stories that we tell others and most importantly the ones we tell ourselves.  Some people may recall their life story and it may sound sad but from the outside looking in, their story is beautiful, unique, and special.  Others may inflate their stories because they don't think it's interesting enough for others to hear.  Others, have happy stories, stories of love, loss, successes, and disappointments.

Whatever your story is, make it beautiful and make it count.