A love for a lifetime

Since I have graduated college in December, almost all of my friends sans one has gotten engaged, married, or had their first kid.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this; that all of my friends, in less than a year, are starting on another path of their life.  One side of me smiles and gushes about how happy I am for them, and then the other side wants to yell "Why are you all getting married in the same year!", and yet another side of me just falls back in a state of nostalgia thinking, "When's my turn?"

I know what you are all thinking, Steph, you're just letting all this marriage and wedding stuff get to your head. And maybe part of you is right, but can you blame a girl for having it on her mind? I'm 23 with two degrees and a full-time dream job (that doesn't pay that well, but that's another battle), dating an amazingly wonderful man for the past two years, and I'm thinking, well okay, where is my next adventure.  I've always known that I wanted to have a family young, and that's just me.  Some people argue that I'm not exercising my full potential, that I'm still so young, or even the big skeptics that say "I'm setting the women's movement back 20 yrs". I don't see it that way though. For me, starting a family is the greatest job of them all, I mean I look at mine, as imperfect as the rest of us but perfect in its own unique way and knowing that my mother had everything to do with it.  Now don't get me wrong, my father is an amazing man who has provided for our family in ways that I can never repay, but look at the heart of a mother; unyielding, steadfast, and full of courage, empathy, and love. And looking at my mother, while others may say "I never want to be my mother", I yearn for it. I aspire to accept all the challenges that it means to raise a family and turn a house into a home because I recognize how important that job is. As I sit here writing this all for you guys, I know that I am who I am because of my mother's love. She showed me nothing but support, even when I had hit rock bottom, but never enabling negative behaviors.  Her wise words has made me wiser than more than half the people my age and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would love to do the same for someone else.

No, I don't want to have a kid in the next 9 months but I do aspire to do so in my future. But onto other thoughts of love.

Going back to my initial thoughts on marriage and that other nonsense, it got me thinking, why do people get married? Is it because of love, because 'that's what's next?', or is it something else? I've never been married but I know that the person I am with is someone I can 100% see a future with and when I think of the future I think it's so important to love them more than you could ever describe on paper. I think it's also important to be able to talk to that person about anything, even if they get annoyed by it.  In my experience most problems have occurred because I or the other person was not open about something from the very start. When you begin to develop a relationship without open communication, you're relationship will ultimately destroy itself.  For me, it's very important to get each other and to have total respect for each other.  It should never have to be a game of what the other person is thinking, although these things happen from time to time, but I think you know what I mean.  I don't want to spend my life with someone who I am constantly trying to impress and put on a facade with.  My man needs to just gets me. It needs to come easy. Respecting each other is so important for the other things to fall in place.  Respect comes from respecting yourself. I think it explains itself.

Now please don't get me wrong and think my head is all up in the clouds of romance because I do realize we all will disagree at some point and that there will be major ups and downs to any relationship, but I think it is the way that those people work through their issues that is most important at the end of the day.  What I'd like to emphasize is whether or not I'm on a good team with my significant other.  Are we friends or frenemies? Because I'll tell you right now, when things take a turn for the bad, which is likely to happen in any relationship, I want my best friend right by me, and I pray to God that it's my man. Looking at my parents it's mad me realize how important it is to be good teammates.  My parents, as opposite from each other as they are, they make a great team.  The play every game like its a championship and when one is down and out, the other makes up for it.  That's what shines for me.  Those are the things that make an amazing future.

Sure I'm probably missing a bunch of details and many of you who are marriage have words of wisdom which are totally welcome, post a comment, but when I start a future with someone, I want it to have a foundation on the above.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
- Unknown

Maya Angelou Quote

Because the things that are on my mind really just break my heart, I felt it best to give you a quote to share with those you love, and yourself, because when you take care of yourself, in a non-selfish way, the world seems to fall along behind you.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.  I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that make a "living" is not the same thing as "life".  I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.  I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.  I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.  I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you id, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

I hope this quote gives you peace, and hope in a better tomorrow. Because after reading it and re-reading, I'm already feeling more insync with the world.

Change

If change is so good, then why are we always resisting change?

I guess that's my thought of the day for you readers.  We spend so much time in our lives trying to get accustomed to the different things going on in our day to day lives that when finally things start to feel comfortable, life seems to want it to change.  Maybe it's a new baby, a new relationship, new job, loss of job; maybe it's something happy, something sad, or something completely unexpected.  Whatever it is, it's change. And change can be scary if we don't have the courage in ourselves to accept and face it.

So what do we do when faced with the adversity of change? How do we overcome our fears of the unknown in order to create something new? I think it starts with passion, persistence, and courage.  The passion to want something new, the persistence to organize it, and the courage to do it, even if there is a risk. 

Get rid of the negativity of 'I can'ts' and 'I shouldn't' and the "I've been doing this so long" or "This is who I am".  Find your passions, find what makes you happier than you have ever been, and just do it.

When change happens, embrace it. Make it work for you.  You might surprise yourself with what you will accomplish.

Oscar Quote

"It's not the load that breaks you down,

It's the way you carry it."

Lena Horne

What's your story?

Ever have a friend who you shared an experience with but they seem to remember the story completely different from how you remember it? You wonder whether or not that person was even there because their recollection of it is so much different than yours.

Why? Because of stories. Our lives are made out of stories that we tell others and most importantly the ones we tell ourselves.  Some people may recall their life story and it may sound sad but from the outside looking in, their story is beautiful, unique, and special.  Others may inflate their stories because they don't think it's interesting enough for others to hear.  Others, have happy stories, stories of love, loss, successes, and disappointments.

Whatever your story is, make it beautiful and make it count.

Career Choices & Hard Times

Listening to Tim Storey's Storytelling on SiriusXM's Stars. His advice is amazing and he is so inpirational so I wanted to share his thoughts with you:

on career:
Make sure you put in the hard work and never lose sight of your childhood dreams because those dreams are really going to make the difference when you take the steps to move on in your career.  With that being said, you have to remember to plow the ground, sow your seeds, plant them, water them, and then after all that, you will be able to reep the harvest you have grown.

on hard times:
We all go through hard times, and this is going to happen whether you are poor, rich, white, black, man or woman; but you have to remember that "When you are going through hell, don't set up camp there". Gosh, what a wise thought and words to live by.  Sometimes we forget that our situations are temporary.  Everything that happens is temporary. So, when your feeling that this feeling is bringing you down, tell yourself to wake up! Don't set up camp in your hell, remember, "this too, shall pass" and when you realize that, you will be able to pick yourself and truck on, as tough and hard as it may be.


We are all trying to be somebodies. When you live your life through mercy and try to be the world around you better, you will always be on top.

You Just Know

You know when something just feels a certain way? Like if you walk into a room and meet someone that just has a good energy about them? And when you leave that night you say to yourself, "I really like him/her". Well that's when you know. I think that if we were to just stop thinking so much or saying too much and felt what was going on around us, we would get a better sense of life and which direction to take.

Take a minute. Close your eyes, and just feel.