Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Enjoy the view.

So it's been awhile since I took some time to write about what was on my mind and so here I am .. in bed.. sick.. but feeling the urge to write.

Does anyone else feel that they're a little left out of all the joy and excitement of getting engaged? When I was growing up I always thought I'd be the first one out of my friends to get married .. and now even though I have different friends, I'm sitting here thinking really bro? Yes, I say bro.. So anyway.. I guess I just feel left out. If I think about it, I don't think that I necessarily want to get married right now or anything but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm a little left out. I mean for the love of God, the one person who said he'd never get married, just got engaged.. Am I missing something? Is everyone around me getting engaged? I swear sometimes that I'm living in a giant romcom.

I mean shouldn't I be happy for these people? I guess I am happy for these people. It's just that sometimes I feel that the world is passing me by. I'm so used to always driving in the fast lane, in the driver's seat, and now I'm just going through the motions, "smelling the flowers", if you will, on the passenger's side. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.. I can definitely say that I'm not in my comfort zone.

When I look back at the way I used to think about life, there was always a plan.. go to college, get a job, get your own place, get married, etc. Now after almost a year of living at home with my parents, I feel that I'm just in limbo. Goals set for myself keep getting pushed back and so I feel off balance. Yes, of course, all this is temporary, the only constant is change- blah blah blah, But I can vent right? I can feel upset, sad, happy, angry, frustrated, worn out all at the same time. I'm a thinker and a dreamer, it's what I do.

I guess all I wanted to say is maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be, out of my comfort zone. Maybe I just need to be patient and kind to myself that all my life goals will fall into place when they're supposed to, maybe this is all a good thing. In the meantime, I have to learn to enjoy the view.