Enjoy the view.

So it's been awhile since I took some time to write about what was on my mind and so here I am .. in bed.. sick.. but feeling the urge to write.

Does anyone else feel that they're a little left out of all the joy and excitement of getting engaged? When I was growing up I always thought I'd be the first one out of my friends to get married .. and now even though I have different friends, I'm sitting here thinking really bro? Yes, I say bro.. So anyway.. I guess I just feel left out. If I think about it, I don't think that I necessarily want to get married right now or anything but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm a little left out. I mean for the love of God, the one person who said he'd never get married, just got engaged.. Am I missing something? Is everyone around me getting engaged? I swear sometimes that I'm living in a giant romcom.

I mean shouldn't I be happy for these people? I guess I am happy for these people. It's just that sometimes I feel that the world is passing me by. I'm so used to always driving in the fast lane, in the driver's seat, and now I'm just going through the motions, "smelling the flowers", if you will, on the passenger's side. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet.. I can definitely say that I'm not in my comfort zone.

When I look back at the way I used to think about life, there was always a plan.. go to college, get a job, get your own place, get married, etc. Now after almost a year of living at home with my parents, I feel that I'm just in limbo. Goals set for myself keep getting pushed back and so I feel off balance. Yes, of course, all this is temporary, the only constant is change- blah blah blah, But I can vent right? I can feel upset, sad, happy, angry, frustrated, worn out all at the same time. I'm a thinker and a dreamer, it's what I do.

I guess all I wanted to say is maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be, out of my comfort zone. Maybe I just need to be patient and kind to myself that all my life goals will fall into place when they're supposed to, maybe this is all a good thing. In the meantime, I have to learn to enjoy the view.

Soul Music

"There's no point in dreams unless you chase them"
-Austin Renfroe

Isn't it amazing ho a song can totally change your mood; just lifting you up from a dark place, a frustrated place, a place where nothing makes sense, and then a lyric comes along and brings you clarity.  I had that moment this morning at about 6 am. There is so much truth in the above lyric that when I heard it, I just smiled to myself because it really helped all the crazy thought I had in my mind organize themselves and let me know what it is that I need to do..


Dreams.. we all have them, but I think that so many of us fall short of our dreams because we're too afraid to watch ourselves fall flat on our faces and then have to get up and start over.  What I have realized though is that falling flat on your face can sometimes be the best thing to start that surge and really get you going to go after what you truly want.  What do you think keeps your from going after your dreams? 

A friend told me recently that we spend so much time pushing things off to the last minute that so many people never actually get anywhere in their lives because of it.. We all know the phrase "time is money", but isn't time lost also life lost? I hate to sound cliche but if we made sure there was a purpose to each day, maybe we would all feel a little more complete and a little more "happy of ourselves".  This isn't really a hard task to do if you think about it- if you want that raise this year, just kick ass a little bit each day.. If you're looking to take the next step in your relationship, what are you waiting for.. we're not getting any younger.. take a step- even if it's a small one.

Our pasts shape who us into who we are in the present and can further influence who we become in the future. If you want to be a happy person in your relationship nobody's going to be able to do that but yourself. Falling hurts, yes, but if we just make sure we're not diving in too soon I think we'll find that our dreams are just within our reach.

Rock and a hardplace

When you're trying to make a huge decision in your life, who do you talk to about it? Do you feel more confused sometimes when you walk away from the conversation?  I guess that's how I feel right now.  I'm in a place where I thought I could make a decision in my life, and now I'm just as confused as I was months ago.

Am I kidding myself to think that this decision will be a good move for my future? Or am I pretending that what was said was just fear and words and not necessarily the truth..

Will I be sacrificing too much in hopes that this will have a happy ending? What exactly would be worth the sacrifice and how do I ask without putting anyone in a bad position?

There are so many questions that I want to ask and need to know the answers to, but I just don't know if they are worth asking..

Choices

You have the right to choose your choice.. and you've made it very abundantly clear what that is, and I understand you can't force anyone to have a relationship with you, and so that line you have written in the sand... consider it permanent.

I choose to move on with my life. I choose to be happy in this family. I choose to no longer allow you to dictate the rules. I rule my own life.

Feeling sexy

What makes you feel sexy? Is it looking good in a little black dress or how about the way you feel when you stand naked in the mirror after a shower?

Do you feel sexy when you're man (or woman) put their hands around you and kisses your shoulder?  Or how about a song.. does music make you feel sexy?

Have you ever felt sexy after someone that's not your significant other compliments you? .. Isn't it weird how that could make you feel sexy? something as simple as saying, "Hey, nice dress" or "You look really good today"..

Find what makes you feel sexy.. and then flaunt it.

You Are What You Eat

Source: None via Betsy on Pinterest

True Love & True Friendship

"Love and friendship. They are what makes us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them." -Something Blue

Pride is the fastest way to lose the race

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love  rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.” Why do you think we hold onto our pride until the very last second? Do we do in order to feel like we have asserted ourselves to the utmost degree and that no one can tell us what to do? Do we do it because we are afraid of what we might find if we humble ourselves and take a long look in the mirror?  It's good to have some pride in yourself but too much pride can cause you to lose the things you care most of in your life just to prove a point. Maybe someone has wronged you, maybe you're frustrated with the way things have been going lately. Maybe, you're just plain stubborn. Maybe, just are just trying to make a point. Whatever your reasoning is for being too proud to admit you may have been in the wrong.. let it go. You might be asking right now, well why would I just let it go? It'll show that I'm weak. I'm not saying to be a pushover, I'm saying to save yourself the hurt.  Think about it. You get into a fight with a husband, wife, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend. You both said or done things that may have been hurtful, so you storm off vowing not to talk to this person until they come and make peace with you first. At the end of the day, how are you feeling? Is your pride keeping you warm at night? No, didn't think so. Sometimes we think it's better to hold onto mistakes and hurts, because 'at least I'll still have my pride', but to what cost? Losing a friend? Losing a love? Just in the name of a point? It just doesn't make any sense.  Realize the freedom you'll have when you're not holding onto negativity.  Accept it into your life as something to inspire you to do better, be better, live and love.  Love, is louder.

A Teammate

In this life I think we're all searching for a teammate.  Someone who's going to play with us, not against. Someone who's willing to do what it takes to win, even if it means long, tiring practices.  They know the meaning of sacrifice, because sacrifice wins championships.  A teammate thinks about the team over the individual, trusting in the the players and knowing their actions are solely for the betterment of the team, too.  A teammate doesn't try to fight against his team but fights for them.  He'd do anything for them, and that alone makes him happy.

A teammate doesn't try to one up another player because he knows it just makes everyone look bad. He knows how to shine without putting anyone else in the dark and he knows the value of faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your team, and faith in your teammates, to know that your teammates are in it for the long haul.

Daily Mantra

When we take ownership of our thoughts we are less likely to project our issues or disowned qualities onto others.

The Story of Us

I liked it better when you were on my side..

I wonder about that sometimes. Are two people ever on the same page or is it some illusion that men and women can ever be on the same page? Do we ever move on from conversations or do we just harbor them in our hearts until we just find ourselves living on a page in a complete different book than than the one you're actually reading? I'm feeling like I'm experiencing deja vu all over again and if this were a movie, I'd be crying to myself and saying, "I told you so". But this isn't fake life, it's reality and reality is a lot harder and isn't necessarily going to end with the love of your life calling you back and saying I should've have left.. let's figure this out. So I guess that's where I am right now, in between reality and fake life... or as the phrase goes, a rock and a hard place.

If I wrote a love story, it would end like all the other love stories. That the one realizes what a mistake they made and came running back to make it all better. Maybe it'd resemble "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" or maybe even "The Notebook". In a true love story, there's always a happy ending after the grand climax where you are left wondering if the two of them will make it through, that they have to make it through because even though they're not seeing things eye to eye right now, they realize that they're crazy for each other, that everything would obviously work out and that regardless of all this, they're perfect for each other, I mean how could it not work out, right? Right?

In a perfect love story, he realizes fifteen minutes after he drives away that this was all a big misunderstanding and he turns around and drives back to her.. Right? He bangs on the door and insists she see him so they can make this all okay.

In a perfect love story, the one that I would write about grand love, she would know exactly the right words that would subdue the frustration they were both feeling. She would turn and put her hand on his and they would know this would work out. She wouldn't push things without thinking. She's know what to say after a fight so that she wouldn't be alone in her room wishing they were just falling asleep next to each other instead.
 

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

Distance

"You live too far away.
Your voice rings like a bell anyway.
Don't give up your independence, unless it feels so right.
Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you've got to fight."
"Amber" by 311

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but does it? Or does it just make the mind more fearful? Does it make us anxious that maybe the one we love, will find someone else to love in our absence; that maybe this distance thing is just too hard to do?  Well, the way I see it is that love and distance is a challenge that forces us to face our fears; that also challenges us to see how strong our faith is.

Faith is a very powerful thing:
"[It] faith, is a way of saying, 'Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding.' There's a reason why we refer to 'leaps of faith' - because the decision to consent to any divinity is a might jump from the rational over to the unknowable.  If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition-  faith.  Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark.  If we truly knew all the answers in advance as tothe meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would be .... a prudent insurance policy"  - Eat, Pray, Love.

 I guess that's truly the way I see love and distance. You kinda just have to have faith in yourself, faith in the person you love, and faith that whatever troubles you are facing, will work themselves through.  Because without a little bit a faith, life would just be black and white. Sometimes, it's nice to be sure of what is going to happen next, but if you think about it, isn't life just a gamble? We can expect certain things to happen at certain times, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. We have to be flexible in trusting that whatever is frustrating you, stressing you out, or whatever, is only temporary. That maybe you live far away from each other right now, but soon, it may not be the case anymore.

I guess in turn also, you have to make sure whether or not the distance is really the thing that is bothering you or is it something else that you are afraid of. Are you afraid that once the two of you are together all the time that other intolerable problems will arise? I assume problems will arise BUT are they minor ones? Or are you afraid of something else?

It's probably hard to answer those questions now, but maybe with time you will be able to. Maybe it's just a matter of sorting through things in your mind in order to figure out what is good for you. Maybe our fears are just trying to get the best of us and instead hindering us from what truly is what we need.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."

A love for a lifetime

Since I have graduated college in December, almost all of my friends sans one has gotten engaged, married, or had their first kid.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this; that all of my friends, in less than a year, are starting on another path of their life.  One side of me smiles and gushes about how happy I am for them, and then the other side wants to yell "Why are you all getting married in the same year!", and yet another side of me just falls back in a state of nostalgia thinking, "When's my turn?"

I know what you are all thinking, Steph, you're just letting all this marriage and wedding stuff get to your head. And maybe part of you is right, but can you blame a girl for having it on her mind? I'm 23 with two degrees and a full-time dream job (that doesn't pay that well, but that's another battle), dating an amazingly wonderful man for the past two years, and I'm thinking, well okay, where is my next adventure.  I've always known that I wanted to have a family young, and that's just me.  Some people argue that I'm not exercising my full potential, that I'm still so young, or even the big skeptics that say "I'm setting the women's movement back 20 yrs". I don't see it that way though. For me, starting a family is the greatest job of them all, I mean I look at mine, as imperfect as the rest of us but perfect in its own unique way and knowing that my mother had everything to do with it.  Now don't get me wrong, my father is an amazing man who has provided for our family in ways that I can never repay, but look at the heart of a mother; unyielding, steadfast, and full of courage, empathy, and love. And looking at my mother, while others may say "I never want to be my mother", I yearn for it. I aspire to accept all the challenges that it means to raise a family and turn a house into a home because I recognize how important that job is. As I sit here writing this all for you guys, I know that I am who I am because of my mother's love. She showed me nothing but support, even when I had hit rock bottom, but never enabling negative behaviors.  Her wise words has made me wiser than more than half the people my age and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would love to do the same for someone else.

No, I don't want to have a kid in the next 9 months but I do aspire to do so in my future. But onto other thoughts of love.

Going back to my initial thoughts on marriage and that other nonsense, it got me thinking, why do people get married? Is it because of love, because 'that's what's next?', or is it something else? I've never been married but I know that the person I am with is someone I can 100% see a future with and when I think of the future I think it's so important to love them more than you could ever describe on paper. I think it's also important to be able to talk to that person about anything, even if they get annoyed by it.  In my experience most problems have occurred because I or the other person was not open about something from the very start. When you begin to develop a relationship without open communication, you're relationship will ultimately destroy itself.  For me, it's very important to get each other and to have total respect for each other.  It should never have to be a game of what the other person is thinking, although these things happen from time to time, but I think you know what I mean.  I don't want to spend my life with someone who I am constantly trying to impress and put on a facade with.  My man needs to just gets me. It needs to come easy. Respecting each other is so important for the other things to fall in place.  Respect comes from respecting yourself. I think it explains itself.

Now please don't get me wrong and think my head is all up in the clouds of romance because I do realize we all will disagree at some point and that there will be major ups and downs to any relationship, but I think it is the way that those people work through their issues that is most important at the end of the day.  What I'd like to emphasize is whether or not I'm on a good team with my significant other.  Are we friends or frenemies? Because I'll tell you right now, when things take a turn for the bad, which is likely to happen in any relationship, I want my best friend right by me, and I pray to God that it's my man. Looking at my parents it's mad me realize how important it is to be good teammates.  My parents, as opposite from each other as they are, they make a great team.  The play every game like its a championship and when one is down and out, the other makes up for it.  That's what shines for me.  Those are the things that make an amazing future.

Sure I'm probably missing a bunch of details and many of you who are marriage have words of wisdom which are totally welcome, post a comment, but when I start a future with someone, I want it to have a foundation on the above.

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
- Unknown

Maya Angelou Quote

Because the things that are on my mind really just break my heart, I felt it best to give you a quote to share with those you love, and yourself, because when you take care of yourself, in a non-selfish way, the world seems to fall along behind you.

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.  I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that make a "living" is not the same thing as "life".  I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.  I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.  I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.  I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you id, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

I hope this quote gives you peace, and hope in a better tomorrow. Because after reading it and re-reading, I'm already feeling more insync with the world.

Change

If change is so good, then why are we always resisting change?

I guess that's my thought of the day for you readers.  We spend so much time in our lives trying to get accustomed to the different things going on in our day to day lives that when finally things start to feel comfortable, life seems to want it to change.  Maybe it's a new baby, a new relationship, new job, loss of job; maybe it's something happy, something sad, or something completely unexpected.  Whatever it is, it's change. And change can be scary if we don't have the courage in ourselves to accept and face it.

So what do we do when faced with the adversity of change? How do we overcome our fears of the unknown in order to create something new? I think it starts with passion, persistence, and courage.  The passion to want something new, the persistence to organize it, and the courage to do it, even if there is a risk. 

Get rid of the negativity of 'I can'ts' and 'I shouldn't' and the "I've been doing this so long" or "This is who I am".  Find your passions, find what makes you happier than you have ever been, and just do it.

When change happens, embrace it. Make it work for you.  You might surprise yourself with what you will accomplish.

Oscar Quote

"It's not the load that breaks you down,

It's the way you carry it."

Lena Horne

What's your story?

Ever have a friend who you shared an experience with but they seem to remember the story completely different from how you remember it? You wonder whether or not that person was even there because their recollection of it is so much different than yours.

Why? Because of stories. Our lives are made out of stories that we tell others and most importantly the ones we tell ourselves.  Some people may recall their life story and it may sound sad but from the outside looking in, their story is beautiful, unique, and special.  Others may inflate their stories because they don't think it's interesting enough for others to hear.  Others, have happy stories, stories of love, loss, successes, and disappointments.

Whatever your story is, make it beautiful and make it count.

Career Choices & Hard Times

Listening to Tim Storey's Storytelling on SiriusXM's Stars. His advice is amazing and he is so inpirational so I wanted to share his thoughts with you:

on career:
Make sure you put in the hard work and never lose sight of your childhood dreams because those dreams are really going to make the difference when you take the steps to move on in your career.  With that being said, you have to remember to plow the ground, sow your seeds, plant them, water them, and then after all that, you will be able to reep the harvest you have grown.

on hard times:
We all go through hard times, and this is going to happen whether you are poor, rich, white, black, man or woman; but you have to remember that "When you are going through hell, don't set up camp there". Gosh, what a wise thought and words to live by.  Sometimes we forget that our situations are temporary.  Everything that happens is temporary. So, when your feeling that this feeling is bringing you down, tell yourself to wake up! Don't set up camp in your hell, remember, "this too, shall pass" and when you realize that, you will be able to pick yourself and truck on, as tough and hard as it may be.


We are all trying to be somebodies. When you live your life through mercy and try to be the world around you better, you will always be on top.

You Just Know

You know when something just feels a certain way? Like if you walk into a room and meet someone that just has a good energy about them? And when you leave that night you say to yourself, "I really like him/her". Well that's when you know. I think that if we were to just stop thinking so much or saying too much and felt what was going on around us, we would get a better sense of life and which direction to take.

Take a minute. Close your eyes, and just feel.

Figuring it all out

Relationship Principle 73
"In life, half the battle has to do with the lens you choose to see yourself through.  Your fulfillment hinges on whether you see yourself through a positive lens or a negative one."
-Sherry Argov

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


William Ernest Henley



Shaping Ourselves into Destruction

I've talked about forgiveness and the past here before but it happens to be one of those issues that people constantly struggle from so here we go again:

Each day as we take in new information and process it into our heads and into our hearts do we ever take a minute to realize what it is that information is doing to us? Has what you learned mad you bitter? angry? or has it lifted your spirits and made you appreciate where you were and look forward to where you will be. Unfortunately for many it is the former.  

When information you digest hardens you inside, you are ultimately shaping your mind body and soul into a place of self-destruction.  Although you may believe that you are "stronger" and "wiser" for it, those who are truly stronger and wiser know that we all have a choice and that when we chose a path of arrogance and bitterness, we are nor stronger nor wiser, but rather frail and afraid. 

So why then, do so many of us chose to let that bitterness and arrogance inside of us? Because we are too afraid that to risk any hurt, so by hurting others around you with your vengeful attitude, you trick yourself into believing you are protecting yourself, when if you really think about it, you are just putting yourself into a position where you will ultimately be alone. But at least you'll have your pride to keep you warm at night.

Do you know someone who feels that life has dealt them a bad hand in the past? Someone who goes to therapy and talks and talks and talks about how angry they are about what HAD happened to them as a kid but that's all they do.. they just talk about it.  Well if you are that person, I challenge you.  I challenge you to stop whining about what happened and don't let what happened be an excuse to hurt others because you are the only one who can control your actions, no one else is to blame but yourself.  Change the future and stop living in the past because while everyone around you is moving on, your bitterness and resentment will only grow into something so unmanageable that no therapist or drug will ever be able to guide you in the right direction.  It is up to you.

Stop destroying your life and the lives of others around you.  Accept that the past has happened but you need not repeat nor continue to live in it.  Accept responsibility for your actions.  And keep an open mind that there is someone waiting for you to return to your normal self. 

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate --- thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising." 

-Maya Angelou