The Story of Us

I liked it better when you were on my side..

I wonder about that sometimes. Are two people ever on the same page or is it some illusion that men and women can ever be on the same page? Do we ever move on from conversations or do we just harbor them in our hearts until we just find ourselves living on a page in a complete different book than than the one you're actually reading? I'm feeling like I'm experiencing deja vu all over again and if this were a movie, I'd be crying to myself and saying, "I told you so". But this isn't fake life, it's reality and reality is a lot harder and isn't necessarily going to end with the love of your life calling you back and saying I should've have left.. let's figure this out. So I guess that's where I am right now, in between reality and fake life... or as the phrase goes, a rock and a hard place.

If I wrote a love story, it would end like all the other love stories. That the one realizes what a mistake they made and came running back to make it all better. Maybe it'd resemble "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" or maybe even "The Notebook". In a true love story, there's always a happy ending after the grand climax where you are left wondering if the two of them will make it through, that they have to make it through because even though they're not seeing things eye to eye right now, they realize that they're crazy for each other, that everything would obviously work out and that regardless of all this, they're perfect for each other, I mean how could it not work out, right? Right?

In a perfect love story, he realizes fifteen minutes after he drives away that this was all a big misunderstanding and he turns around and drives back to her.. Right? He bangs on the door and insists she see him so they can make this all okay.

In a perfect love story, the one that I would write about grand love, she would know exactly the right words that would subdue the frustration they were both feeling. She would turn and put her hand on his and they would know this would work out. She wouldn't push things without thinking. She's know what to say after a fight so that she wouldn't be alone in her room wishing they were just falling asleep next to each other instead.
 

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

Distance

"You live too far away.
Your voice rings like a bell anyway.
Don't give up your independence, unless it feels so right.
Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you've got to fight."
"Amber" by 311

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but does it? Or does it just make the mind more fearful? Does it make us anxious that maybe the one we love, will find someone else to love in our absence; that maybe this distance thing is just too hard to do?  Well, the way I see it is that love and distance is a challenge that forces us to face our fears; that also challenges us to see how strong our faith is.

Faith is a very powerful thing:
"[It] faith, is a way of saying, 'Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding.' There's a reason why we refer to 'leaps of faith' - because the decision to consent to any divinity is a might jump from the rational over to the unknowable.  If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition-  faith.  Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark.  If we truly knew all the answers in advance as tothe meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would be .... a prudent insurance policy"  - Eat, Pray, Love.

 I guess that's truly the way I see love and distance. You kinda just have to have faith in yourself, faith in the person you love, and faith that whatever troubles you are facing, will work themselves through.  Because without a little bit a faith, life would just be black and white. Sometimes, it's nice to be sure of what is going to happen next, but if you think about it, isn't life just a gamble? We can expect certain things to happen at certain times, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. We have to be flexible in trusting that whatever is frustrating you, stressing you out, or whatever, is only temporary. That maybe you live far away from each other right now, but soon, it may not be the case anymore.

I guess in turn also, you have to make sure whether or not the distance is really the thing that is bothering you or is it something else that you are afraid of. Are you afraid that once the two of you are together all the time that other intolerable problems will arise? I assume problems will arise BUT are they minor ones? Or are you afraid of something else?

It's probably hard to answer those questions now, but maybe with time you will be able to. Maybe it's just a matter of sorting through things in your mind in order to figure out what is good for you. Maybe our fears are just trying to get the best of us and instead hindering us from what truly is what we need.

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."