Saturday, January 22, 2011

Shaping Ourselves into Destruction

I've talked about forgiveness and the past here before but it happens to be one of those issues that people constantly struggle from so here we go again:

Each day as we take in new information and process it into our heads and into our hearts do we ever take a minute to realize what it is that information is doing to us? Has what you learned mad you bitter? angry? or has it lifted your spirits and made you appreciate where you were and look forward to where you will be. Unfortunately for many it is the former.  

When information you digest hardens you inside, you are ultimately shaping your mind body and soul into a place of self-destruction.  Although you may believe that you are "stronger" and "wiser" for it, those who are truly stronger and wiser know that we all have a choice and that when we chose a path of arrogance and bitterness, we are nor stronger nor wiser, but rather frail and afraid. 

So why then, do so many of us chose to let that bitterness and arrogance inside of us? Because we are too afraid that to risk any hurt, so by hurting others around you with your vengeful attitude, you trick yourself into believing you are protecting yourself, when if you really think about it, you are just putting yourself into a position where you will ultimately be alone. But at least you'll have your pride to keep you warm at night.

Do you know someone who feels that life has dealt them a bad hand in the past? Someone who goes to therapy and talks and talks and talks about how angry they are about what HAD happened to them as a kid but that's all they do.. they just talk about it.  Well if you are that person, I challenge you.  I challenge you to stop whining about what happened and don't let what happened be an excuse to hurt others because you are the only one who can control your actions, no one else is to blame but yourself.  Change the future and stop living in the past because while everyone around you is moving on, your bitterness and resentment will only grow into something so unmanageable that no therapist or drug will ever be able to guide you in the right direction.  It is up to you.

Stop destroying your life and the lives of others around you.  Accept that the past has happened but you need not repeat nor continue to live in it.  Accept responsibility for your actions.  And keep an open mind that there is someone waiting for you to return to your normal self. 

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate --- thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising." 
-Maya Angelou


  1. People who go to therapy don't just go to "whine" about what had happened to them. It's an outlet to release emotions to someone who will in return give them unbiased advice. After all, that is what they are paying for with a going rate of $150 and upwards - trust me, they're expecting something out of that session and it isn't to walk away angry and with nothing to help them move on to better themselves and the lives around them. I apologize but there are certain things that people just can't move on or get over so quickly, and as a real friend you just have to accept it, maybe not understand it. At first friends are sympathetic and say they want to help and that they will be there for you, but when things get repetitive and the grieving/coping process gets difficult, most friends don't know what to do or say, and although their friends care about them - you can sense a little anger in their " Get over it, move on already" demeanor. Talking, not "whining", every few weeks or so to a therapist can in fact allow your friend to be able to walk away and be their normal self when they are with you even if it's just for a few hours. . . It let's me be. :)

    <3 Mar

  2. And I agree with you wholeheartedly. But there those who instead of healing, make decisions on the contrary instead of choosing peace and allowing themselves to heal in their own way begin to hold and habor hatred. In that case, maybe a particular therapist is no longer
    therapeutic for this person. Instead of helping, some therapists will become enablers of particular behaviors that if not change will cause more harm than good. I know firsthand the wonders that therapy can provide, when the therapy is being used. Everyone has their ups and downs when they are recovering from something, and THAT I empathize with, but it therapy becomes useless to someone who makes a conscious decision to not accept responsibility (in certain cases) for their actions. For example, if an alcoholic goes to therapy or AA but then goes to the bar later.. therapy is neither therapeutic nor effective and even though that person may WANT to get better, their actions say otherwise. The "get over it" phrase may sound harsh but SOMETIMES tough love is necessary. SOMETIMES, tough love is the only way to help someone. But this is sometimes. At the end of the day, we are all masters of our own fates, and without action, talk will let out the hurt, but not let IN the healing.

    <3 you